giving up on giving up

hey friends,

i promise i won’t make a habit of recommending ~how~ the content of these letters are consumed, but it would mean the world to me if you listened to the conversation this week after reading the story. in the episode i give some context to the snippet of a chapter below, so if you can spare about eleven minutes—or half of that if you listen at 2x speed!—i’d be extremely grateful.

and now we’ve arrived at our fourth letter together which means that this project—our project!—is about to turn one month old! recent-ish events in my life (birthing an almost-fifteen-month-old) have given me a deeper appreciation for marking time-based milestones. so i’m s-yoo-per excited that we’re approximately an entire moon cycle through a lifelong dream of mine coming true: sharing my words with you.

as always—and especially this week:

thank you for being here with me.

—SN

the story

—the room—

my room doesn’t affect me

in the way that it’s supposed to

—wait no

for The Record

that’s not the thought

that i’m supposed to have—

i fail to be affected by my room

in the way that i’m supposed to

—there

let The Record show

that i’ve corrected

my thoughts—

i’m supposed to feel inspired

when i stand in the center of my room

under the oculus lofted several stories above me

that crowns the highest spire

in all the Region—

and that’s been Programmed

to let in only Star’s light and never rain—

but i just feel small

i’m supposed to feel limitless

when i stroll along the wide balcony

ringed by invisible glass and filled with invisible extra oxygen

that surrounds almost all of my quarters

and expands my room into an indoor-outdoor type of situation

at an elevation that even the most ambitious fantastical creatures

would feel faint flying

but i just feel scared

i’m supposed to feel grateful

that my Ian—

in one of her grandest but wordless

expressions of Love—

went through the Design trouble

and the Administrative inconvenience

to have such a room built… for me

but i just feel unworthy

and

feeling small (and insignificant)

feeling scared (and cautious)

feeling unworthy (and inadequate)

could lead to far more dangerous feelings

…

so

every morning

before leaving my room for the day

i take a moment to take in the

small-but-big things

in my room

that make me

feel safe

and feel valued

like my framed photo of the System

with all Seven (recognized) Realms

dancing around Star

that sits on my desk

and like the pen that only writes when i hold it

developed by a legendary team of Innovators

for my fifth birthday

that also sits on my desk

i try to ignore

the crowns

the rings

and the grandest things

and the practice works most mornings

and i need it to work this morning

because Ian needs me

—wait sorry

Record no

that’s not right

Ian needs no one—

umm…

a more accurate thought is:

the Realm needs Ian’s morning

to go well today

and so the Realm needs me

to get it together

and to stop

feeling

so—

the conversation

the questions

is there something in your life—a project, a goal, an endeavor of any kind—that requires more of your energy to run away from it than the energy it would require for you to rest in stillness with it and allow it to run its course through you? put another way: is there something that drains you when you attempt to dam its attempts to flood you with its fulfillment? in yet other words: what has become harder to quit—or escape—than to just do—and welcome?

the resonance

some of you have been messaging me with your responses to the question(s) of the week or your reactions to the story. i can’t tell you how happy you’ve made my heart by sharing with me what resonated with you.

obviously, no one likes one-sided conversations for too long, so i’d love to open this section to readers’ replies so that this letter can feel a bit more like a true chat between us.

ALSO obviously, no one likes their personal thoughts and feelings put on blast in front of strangers (except apparently me, since that’s exactly what i’m doing each and every week with all of you now, haha!). so i will completely anonymize anything shared for this section—and if you just want to share privately with me, please let me know in your message. i will always honor a request for privacy. i’m even playing around with the idea of doing some kind of AI-assisted “interpretation” of what readers share instead of copying/pasting their words verbatim, just to further shield everyone’s words from being in any way personally identifiable.

for The Record: in case it isn’t… well… OBVIOUS, i’m like the humanest human to ever human, as is ~evident~ in every single word that you read and hear from me, so absolutely nothing else in this letter is AI-assisted. if i ever play with AI in this space in the future, i will be completely transparent where it is used—and attempt as much as the “technology” allows me—to give credit to the human creators who are the heart of the machine-generated output. i have veeeeery complicated feelings about AI-generated anything, so… part of my brain CANNOT believe i just typed out that suggestion.

i’m deep in my Ideas Era with this newsletter—some ideas may turn out to be awesome; some ideas i may completely deny ever happened in the future.

anyway!

i’d love some reactions to the idea of a section of reactions—how meta!

i must note again: nothing will be shared with any personal identifying information.

kay. :) holla back, friends!

the curation

• YES.

• apropos considering last week’s story: here.

  and if you don’t have a subscription to The Atlantic: there.

• i can’t imagine that Katherine Rundell—or any author—would be happy with this article’s headline that compares her to the incomparable Tolkien. other than the unnecessary invocation of fantasy literature’s holiest name, the article provides some lovely context to the incredible success of Rundell’s MG (middle-grade) novel Impossible Creatures, which i may recommend we read very soon.

  speaking of our book club…

the reading

so… i haven’t read much of Gather yet, but from what i can ~gather~ (ba-dum-psh!) from the pages i have gone through so far is that the author is very committed to making sure that his protagonist “sounds” like a teenager. i’m passing no judgment on that commitment, just noting it here because some readers love a loud commitment to age-appropriate “tone” while others find it a tad distracting.

i’ll read more this week, i promise!

in case you have started Gather and don’t find it to be your cuppa, then i recommend checking out The Stars Don’t Lie by Boo Walker.

the good stuff

this week i came across an entire book full of good humans doing good things. it’s literally titled Good People brought to you by the good folks at Upworthy and published by the company whose whole thing is basically that good stuff happens when good people wish upon stars and sing a lot: Disney. of course.

the affirmations

you are more than good enough for your goals. you are beyond worthy of your ideas. you are The Chosen One for all of your scariest, secretest, sacred-est dreams. trust that your goals, ideas, and dreams knew what they were doing when they decided to come to you.

thank you for sharing

one of the loveliest milestones

of my writing life with me.

-Sarah Narei