seen

hey friends,

i learned a lot this week. :)

thank you for learning along with me,

-SN

the story

seen

“i’m going outside for a minute”

i told the house

no one in the house heard

but the house did

and it urged me on

for once making it easy

for me to slide open its heavy back door

i took the kind of meandering and shaky steps

of one who is either drunk or exhausted

of one who is either lost in mourning or senseless with joy

of one whose heart mind body and soul

all pull at each other in their own opposing directions

so while i managed some semblance of a forward progression

my path taken was winding and unpredictable

so that’s how i moved

past the paved stones

over the immaculate lawn

through the garden’s arched gate

until i collapsed or fell or sat or sank

into a part of our home’s grounds

that i never knew we possessed

i fell asleep

i woke up

to a great beast

looming over me

its cascading dense hair

with shimmering strands

longer than my height

fluttered in a breeze

that i didn’t have access to

its wide grin of diamond teeth

with impressive canines

the length of my forearm

sparkled from the light of a star

that my eyes couldn’t detect

speaking of eyes—

its eyes protruded slightly

beyond its bushy brow bones

each eye the size

of my two fists put together

each eye rolled

independently and slowly

i couldn’t see a single iris

but the beast probably saw

with many lenses

and i felt seen

by all of them

it saw me

from both of its eyes

from all of its many views

and i felt my many selves

being acknowledged

into existence

like before they were seen

they were unable to be

i started to cry

the kind of cathartic cry

that contracts every muscle in your body

so that all of the stored away… stuff…

can be wrung out

and looked at

and seen

and felt

can be

fully

i

felt

alive

fully

all parts of me

fully realized

at last

when the great seeing

and the great crying

ended

i woke up

alive

at last

the conversation

the questions

do you have any habitual emotions or conditioned responses to certain events or settings? if so, would you like to experience different emotions or have different responses to those events or settings the next time that you interact with them?

the curation

i’m in an Austen mood this week, which means… i’m happy. :)

• the first line in this video’s description box reads: “Caroline Bingley: Secretly the Most Valuable Player of Pride and Prejudice. I know, I know, but hear me out:” so obviously I watched, and omg.

• a new adaptation of Pride and Prejudice is in the works at Netflix, and friends, i’m scared.

• imho, the 1995 version of Pride and Prejudice has yet to be topped, and this video points out a few things that some viewers may have missed… if they haven’t watched it approximately 2,439 times like some of us who will not be named… ::cough:: Sarah Narei ::cough::

the playlist

i added a few songs to our playlist this week, so please have a listen! i want to highlight the addition of Taylor Swift’s cardigan because sweater weather has officially arrived for me. i’m feeling very folklore-ic under the falling leaves and cloudy moonrises.

the reads

here is a list of books curated by booksellers, i.e. The Guardians of All Good Things. my two favorite recommendations are Wellness by Nathan Hill and Held by Anne Michaels. please also check out the article’s featured bookshops, i.e. The Halls of All Good Things.

the good stuff

this is a bit of a continuation from last week’s story about the relentless drive to become more. reading the article soothed and healed me in no small amount.

related-ish-ly, i’m working on growing out of some stubborn issues around perfectionism, and i was recently reminded that the things—and people!—in my life that i love most are also the most imperfect. in that spirit, here is a list of B-list (imperfect) movies to watch this weekend that need absolutely nothing more.

the community

dear reader who replied,

thank you. :)

…

dear readers all,

thank you. :)

the affirmation

i see you.

my most beloved friends,

thank you for seeing me.

-Sarah Narei